Ladies, this is for you. All of you of all ages.
I know you won’t listen to me without knowing fully who I am. I wouldn’t anyway. My husband calls me the question master. Unless I know you well enough to know your life experiences, intent, strengths and weaknesses, I likely won’t take your word for anything until I’ve asked about a thousand questions. Honestly, that doesn’t exclude many people. Pastors, teachers, friends, family members, I have questioned most everyone at some point – if not out loud, definitely in my head. That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t ever trust them, but I take my time testing the waters. Off the top of my head, there are just a handful of people that I have admired their advice and perspectives from the start.
All that to say, I get it if you don’t want life advice from some girl writing a blog on her own website. But sweet girl, let me tell you, before you assume I’m just another adult telling you what to do or what not to do, I’m writing to younger me; me before the hurt, before the scars, before the walls I built up so far that I didn’t even know where my heart was. I’m writing to younger me in hope that future you won’t be bruised and battered the same way I was.
I recently visited two different church camps, in which I knew several of the girls who attended as campers. I was overwhelmed with joy, even to the point of tears, getting to see so many young people singing worship together and listening to the Good News.
Once the services were over, I was able to love on, talk to, and listen to a bunch of crazy girls who I know claim Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. They were all so excited about these camps. They told me about what games they had played, how late they stayed up, the friends they made, and of course what boys they had met and who had crushes on who.
Did you notice something missing?
I heard more about the boys at camp than I did about Jesus. Even after I asked about what they learned about Jesus, there wasn’t nearly as much to say as there was about who got whose SnapChat.
Ladies! This is a catastrophe! An epidemic even! The world has kidnapped the minds and focus of too many women. Yes, it might start young, but it doesn’t end there. Women of all ages are consumed with the attention of boys.
I feel like I have to wring out the tears of my heart thinking about how long I was captive to this very thought: whose attention do I have right now. If we are not captive to Christ, we are captive to something else, and unfortunately anything else is the enemy.
Please hear this in the depth of who you are, who God has created you to be, not who you’ve become in this world, that boy’s eyes don’t matter.
But he’s so sweet!
It doesn’t matter.
But I think I really like him!
It doesn’t matter.
But we’re just friends!
It doesn’t matter.
But I’ve known him for a long time and I think we might start dating!
It doesn’t matter.
But he’s the one!
It doesn’t matter.
But we’ve been married for years!
It doesn’t matter.
His eyes and opinions don’t determine your beauty, give you worth, hold you together, nor fulfill you in any way.
I’m married and still have to remind myself that even his eyes don’t indicate anything about my identity. Sadly, I have to work really hard to remember that because I lived years of my life chasing approval and getting a confidence boost from boys, all while knowing and accepting Jesus into my heart.
I’m not so naive to limit this article to boys alone. No matter your gender or sexual identity human beings crave attention from other human beings. This is a flaw that came about after the fall of man. God created us to glorify Him. There’s two things to note if you believe that statement to be true:
- The only eyes that matter are those of God, and if He created us, surely He approves of your appearance as long as you are living for Him.
- When we concern ourselves at all with who is looking at “me” we’ve lost sight of God altogether.
Boom! All fixed right? All done. I’ve talked about what I need to talk about. The Holy Spirit will move through and correct every person who reads this and struggles with seeking attention from this world.
Probably not entirely. Can the Holy Spirit work through writings like this? I certainly believe so and pray for that to be true. I just don’t think we can stop there.
There is no shame in not knowing everything. In fact, there’s no shame in feeling like you don’t know anything at all- no matter how old you are. Let’s say you just heard the Good News of Jesus Christ’s birth, death, and resurrection and you accept that as Truth, but you have no idea what to do next. That’s okay. Let’s even say you have grown up in church, you have a church-going family, and you accepted Jesus into your heart a long time ago, yet you still feel lost every time you open your Bible. That’s okay too.
What wouldn’t be okay is to stop there. Complacency is not okay, but that’s for a whole different blog altogether.
What I’m trying to get to is that this issue of trying to search for value from other people isn’t something to combat as an individual. If you know this is speaking to you where you are right now, but you don’t know how to handle it, speak up!
We have to stop thinking that we are alone in life’s struggles. Don’t isolate yourself. That’s literally the opposite of God’s will (Genesis 2:18). If you’re ready not to do this alone you have to reach out.
If you want to continue working through this contorted lesson we somehow all learned – to seek affirmation in all the wrong places – let’s keep going in Part 2.
